Loss, change and grief

"Don't Lose What You Have to What You Have Lost" – Lucy Horne

Loss is something that everyone will face at some point in their life. And while you can never prepare for what it will be like to receive the news, you can identify the practices and rituals you share with your friends and family, that connect you and bring you together so that when a bereavement happens you have a community of people who can support you.

When you experience grief, Psychologist Lucy Horne, advocates for keeping the door open for gratefulness. Horne's daughter died in a tragic accident, she was advised by many of the challenges that lay ahead of her. Horne wanted to ensure that her family continued to live life. 

"Next time someone tells you what to expect in grief—pointing you only towards all the negative emotions you are likely to encounter—remember to keep the door open for gratefulness. In place of hot boiling anger I focused on the love I felt for the rest of my family, the gratitude for those still alive and the hope that we’d somehow survive this tragedy. When the surrounding grief experts seemed to exclusively focus on the hellish road ahead, I was more interested in noticing the good that remained. Ultimately, I chose life, not death, determinedly focusing on all that I still have, rather than being dragged down in a vortex by all that I have lost. It may not be easy, but it certainly helped."

Services:

grief encounter

Free support to all key workers. During these challenging times, we have extended our free service offering to all those impacted by grief and Covid-19. We are here to support all frontline workers who are experiencing the daily pressures of the Coronavirus Pandemic.

The 'grieftalk' helpline is operating its usual hours, 9am – 9pm Monday to Friday. You can call us free on 0808 802 0111, or log on to our live web chat for confidential support. You can also email us on grieftalk@griefencounter.org.uk, and we will respond to all of your questions.

The specialist team can offer guidance for talking to families about sudden and traumatic death, talking to young people about Coronavirus, how to cope with your own grief throughout the crisis, and mechanisms to use in the workplace whilst facing increased death and bereavement. Please share with anyone you know who is impacted by Covid-19 and needs support, professionally or personally.

The Good Grief Trust

The Good Grief Trust brings together information from all charities who support those who are experiencing the loss of someone or have had a bereavement.

Resources

For children:

For adults:

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Strategies:

  1. Be connected - Ask for help, send messages, talk to people, find an online community.

  2. Words make worlds, and stories matter. Share them - tell others about the memories you have of the person - the funniest, the most cherished. Through sharing of stories you are creating film clips, soundbites, and snapshots of the person you or someone else is grieving.

  3. Find the good in the day  - no matter how hard - end your day reflecting on what was good.

  4. Find meaning - get involved with something that gives you purpose - creating a photo album of special memories, dust off an old loved hobby.

  5. Get outside

  6. Laughter - sounds odd but laughter releases serotonin and oxytocin which are the bodies natural pain killers. Watch light hearted TV, recall funny memories, look at some old photos with some questionable outfit choices!

  7. Cry - release the emotions

Links:

https://www.livehappy.com/flourishing-center/more-positive-way-grieving

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